Zarrella: Shit in the pool, add value, and it's okay.

Just read Dan Zarrella's instruction manual on how to be a Twitter DB -- it was on Read Write Web. Sorry, Dan, I just had a crappy day, so I'm going to go off on this one. Honestly, folks, it's this kind of "9 ways to shit in the pool (self-promote) plus 1 tip on how to disguise it as 'adding value'" that makes me want to pack up my sneakers, go back to Cincinnati, and get a job in a normal line of work.

Seriously, check out some of these quotes from his Bible on making yourself famous by gaming two social sites at once:

Building popularity on Twitter is about gaining followers, and the most fundamental and important concept to learn about building popularity is the idea that when you follow someone, they'll get an email about it and there's a good chance they'll follow you back.

No, Dan, I won't follow you back.

Log into your Twitter account, and search for the name of the social site you want to be more popular on.

"Go trip the girl you like and then ask her, panting, if you can go on a date as you pick her off the ground."

Join the conversation. Congratulate people.

Seriously, if I hear the phrase "Join the conversation" one more time, I'm going to puke. And "congratulate people"? Is this a "how not to be lonely" class?

Why does everyone have to make the social web -- a good thing -- so damn socially stupid?

I don't know Dan, and I'm truly being unfair to someone who's probably a great guy, but come on! Do you really think you're doing a service to the community when you post something like that?

If you want the web to be a popularity contest, why don't you say so, hold one, and figure out who's really best at whoring themselves for votes. It's nice to do, and even nicer to get out of the way.